What a Weekend

This weekend was filled with such a potpourri of emotions that I wanted to get some of my thoughts out. Halloween weekend was a blast! I had to work the night of Halloween but I had an absolutely amazing evening. I celebrated with the kids and had absolutely no problems. We programmed with a Halloween theme and we brought in candy and decorated the milieu. After work, I met up with some friends and we all dressed up. We hit up the bars and blew off any pressures built up from the week. It was probably the most relaxed I had seen any of my new friends and I really felt like I was starting to make my way fully into the group. The next day, I spent the evening with one of those new friends. We had beers and watched a few movies. Things got a little out of control but not in the sense that people immediately think. I kissed a friend I shouldn’t have because of various external factors. I feel bad about it but I’m also a little confused as to what I really want out of it. For my avid readers, I apologize but I won’t be getting any further into details here.

I also had a conflict with the parents. A pack of cigarettes fell out of one of my pockets and my mother got really agitated about it. I realize she is only looking out for my health and wellbeing but the manner in which she expressed her discontent really put me off. Later that evening, my father forced me to have the conversation about the smoking and for some reason I just broke down. I expressed my personal sense of failure because I’m living at home. I talked about some of the reasons I haven’t really been pursing another job and it really is because I love what I do. It’s just really stressful at times and smoking seemed like a better alternative than going back to my excessive drinking. I made a realization that my parents have two separate perspectives and that they are different individuals who focus on different things. My mother is judgmental and my father is much more open minded and understanding than I’ve ever given him credit for. He shared praises that I’ve never heard from him before and it was a shaking experience for me. The conversation really gave me some food for thought.

I guess the main point I’m trying to express in this post is that I’m still learning. My perspective can always be shaken and life is always throwing me challenges that I have to deal with.