The End

Thank you to everyone who faithfully followed me over the past few years on my personal journey. After much consideration I've decided to close this avenue and pursue a different form of reflection. I'm moving my blog site to http://jboedigheimer.wordpress.com. Feel free to follow me on my adventures and experiences!

Late Night Thoughts of Transformation

Wow! What an evening :-/ I've been thinking lately how discontent I've been lately with my current situation. I'm so caught up in the grind that I haven't had a chance to stop and see how bored and unfulfilled I really am. Everyday it's the same routine: wake up, get some studying done, gym, work at a job where I'm underpaid and under appreciated, gym, waste time, and bed. It's a really boring routine and it's really not that exciting. I had a wonderful phone conversation with someone I really respect and connect with and we came to the same conclusion that we're having a quarter-life crisis. Somewhere we went wrong and because of our incessant dedication to our "careers" we've somehow missed out. I've got so many friends who are making huge life decisions like getting married, buying houses, and having kids. What have I go to show for? I've got a BA in Psychology and a job that isn't inspiring.

When I first began working at Cedar Springs, I thought I could find the smallest chance of helping someone. I wanted to be a positive influence in the lives of my kids. Now, rarely a day goes by where I'm not physically restraining a little punk who wants to engage in a pointless power-struggle. Sure, most of the kids come from environments that do not foster their growth and development. In fact, I blame many of the parents for the learned behaviors of their children. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not really getting through to them. I'm a glorified babysitter. That's not really something I'm proud of. I feel like the hospital is draining the positive energy out of me. I need to escape and find something more meaningful. I see that change in myself that I so desperately want to see in the world fading away. It's time to find a different avenue of creativity and enlightenment.

I'm seriously considering setting sail and going overseas to Teach English as a Foreign Language. Why not? I'm certified and I have plenty of friends who could help me draw up lesson plans. Overseas, I could easily find work teaching, while maintaining my pursuit of a graduate degree. I'm currently reading this book by Chuck Thompson, called Smile When You're Lying-Confessions of a Rogue Travel Writer. The more I read, the more I want to be somewhere exotic. I want to be one of the people, other people write about. I want to be so well versed in foreign travel that it's more familiar to me than the grind. I've got so many friends who graduated from Gonzaga who appear to be doing well. They've got great jobs with competitive benefits and they seem to be doing it right, whatever IT is.

It's time to take a stand. With the New Year approaching quickly, I want to formulate a different approach. The "American" way of doing things doesn't seem to be working out for me. I'm gonna try and figure out how to take my destiny in my own hands and re-become that change I want to see in the world. If I continue in my current situation, the remaining optimism in me will continue to fade. Pessimism and distaste will permeate into my soul and I'll live a life wishing I had done more.

Merry Christmas!

I feel like I just wrote my Christmas newsletter for last year and I can’t believe how quickly this year passed by! Like last year, I joined my friends on the annual Semester at Sea Reunion cruise. We went to the Turks and Caicos Islands. Before I left though, I had the unfortunate experience of being severely assaulted by one of my patients. I won’t get into details but I ended up in the hospital and my patient was taken into police custody. The hospital suggested I take time off but I refused, knowing I was going on vacation in a few days. I couldn’t let my little ones think I was really hurt, so I returned the next day with a slightly swollen eye. Only two more days of work then off to the Caribbean! One of my best friends – Raine and I got to Miami where the ship was docked and waited for others to arrive.

Needless to say, the night turned into the late morning and it was fabulous reconnecting with people I had not seen in a few years. Once on the ship, we made our way to the cabins to drop off our belongings. My sister, Renee came along this year as a guest and really ended up enjoying herself. Unfortunately, I haven’t convinced her to take the plunge and commit one semester of her college career towards living in the world. Maybe some of you who know her will have to help convince her! Being back on the ship was amazing and Turks and Caicos was fun too. Unfortunately due to the recent hurricane, much of the island was severely damaged. The experience was pretty much a beach party with many of my favorites. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t any culture shock or anything too exciting like last year’s excursion to the Mayan Ruins. Below is a picture of Team DJ…you know who you are :-)

Back to reality, I continued to work at Cedar Springs Hospital full time. During the summer semester, I took two courses at Pikes Peak Community College: Biology and a hip-hop dance course. I really enjoyed both classes. The biology course was one of the prerequisites for a nursing program and the dance class was for my own entertainment. I did well in my science class and even better in Hip-Hop. In fact, I performed so well, that my dance instructor asked me to perform with his crew at various venues in Colorado Springs. My participation didn’t last long as my time commitment to work increased. There were a few weeks when I was working over 60 hours at the hospital. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took some much needed time off to head up north for Tour de Fat, hosted by New Belgium Brewery.

Tour de Fat was a blast and I celebrated my birthday soon afterwards. My girls came down to the Springs to help me celebrate and it was night to ...I guess not remember as I can't really remember much of what happened that night! Regardless, I'm so glad to have friends that will make the drive to spend time with me. By this point in the year, I had moved out of the parent's house and into my own apartment. My parents moved to San Antonio, TX for a new job and they seem really happy there. My sister moved back to Fort Collins and will finish this school year out before she decides to move to the Springs or to Texas so my parents can help her with her soon-to-be-born baby. It was my intentions to continue taking prerequisite courses for Nursing School this fall but I dropped the classes due to the stress and time commitment. Instead, I'm currently pursuing my MBA in Healthcare Administration and I'm really enjoying it!

Right now, my parents and sister are staying with me for the holiday season. They'll both be leaving tomorrow and I'll have my apartment back to myself. It was nice having them but I'm getting ready to get back into my regular routine. My apartment is a little too cramped for 4 people! I'll miss them all but I know we'll keep in touch :-) Stay tuned for a New Year's post!

Looking Back

Over the past three or four weeks, I’ve really been bogged down with the overwhelming sensation of immobility. I’ve realized that my drive and passion to help the kids I work with has slowly committed suicide and only been replaced with the monotonous repetition of a regular routine. At work, I run the same schedule day after day: room time, check-in, psych-ed, dinner, visitation, wrap up, and bed time. I’m tired of breaking up fights, being yelled at and cursed, and assaulted. I signed up to make a difference but lately, all I am is the campus enforcer. I earned stellar reviews on my annual performance review and learned I am extremely efficient at completing detailed clinical documentation and, I have “superior and dynamic leadership abilities,” which only means I’m more likely to get pulled to other units. The lovely CEO has capped the annual raise at 2%...which translates to a raise of 0.21 cents per hour or $1.68 more per shift. I’m glad to know that my efficiency and leadership is so highly valued.

I’ve been working so much and I feel like none of its paying off. I dropped this semester’s classes in a desperate attempt to earn enough to pay rent. I couldn’t handle working 50-60 hours a week AND succeed in Human Anatomy and Physiology. The sad part…I need A&P to get out of this crappy situation. I also want to get the hell out of the Springs. I realize I grew up here and I really value the experiences I had but it’s time to move to Denver. I’ve been looking for jobs and truly believe that Colorado Springs is incapable of providing young and eager individuals with the necessary upward mobility to succeed. The ONLY thing keeping me from spiraling into lunacy is the regular trips to Denver and the good times shared with my friends there. My three best friends in Colorado all live in Denver now which makes it easier for us to gather more frequently. Another very close friend just moved out from California and it’s been unbelievable seeing her here in Colorado. The other night, I actually “introduced” myself and asked if we could be real life friends. She laughed at me. There’s so many people I know, not to mention when I finally get my act together and get the pre-reqs finished, I’d like to go to CU-Denver. Denver is just a classier, younger and more exciting city than the Springs. I need that excitement and social structure RIGHT NOW!

Jeremy’s Birthday Bash

Just wanted to leave a quick note on the epic journey of my birthday weekend… Last Friday marked my quarter of a century celebration and I must admit, it was by far the best birthday I’ve had thus far. My best friends from Colorado came down to the Springs and we started the party off right. Shots of Tequila baby! Actually, we kicked off the celebration at Red Robin. Eric and Kate from work came out for dinner joined by Brittney, Jenna, Annie, Raine, and my sister. It was so much fun seeing my best friends in Colorado finally get to meet some of the amazing people I work with on a regular basis. Eric, Kate, and Brittney weren’t able to come out that night but the rest of us certainly had a grand time. Back to my place for drinks and cake and then off to the bars. We hit up Blondie’s and the Thirsty Parrot. Tanja, from work joined us and was kind enough to drive us all home. The next day we hauled ass up to Fort Collins for Tour de Fat where we met up with my friend Nate from work. Sadly, we missed the bike parade but still had a blast. Nasty quantities of PBR were consumed and several games of beer pong were played. My sister had a BBQ at her new house and of course, we tore up the city at night. Lucky Joe’s was the place to be where we enjoyed live music and watched MelAnie (aka Annie) get made fun of by the performer. “You should call her Melanie as in Melatonin” Next it was the Vault and then a quick trip to Steakout where the bouncer who is and always will be a DB. TNBS upheld the tradition of Thursday night bomb shots although it was no longer Thursday. We ended the evening back at Raine’s brother’s house and all passed out. Unfortunately, I had to be at work by 11 the next day, so needless to say…I didn’t get much sleep. I had a wonderful time and am so thankful for the friends who where able to celebrate with me.

On a different note, I’m back to classes this week and I think I’m over my pity party. Last week, I was seriously questioning my abilities and wondered if PA school was the right thing for me. After several whiney conversations with my parents and a few motivational speeches from my friends, I’m re-dedicated to pushing on and making the sacrifice to get through all of these science classes to accomplish my goal. One of my very close friends, Jenn is moving out here and I think her presence will help keep me on track, as she is also going along a similar road to become a nurse. She’s moving out here within the week and I’m so extremely excited to have her so close so we can be real life friends. I met her through Semester at Sea and it’s only one more reason that studying abroad was one of the best decisions of my life. In October, I’ll hopefully be heading to a wedding to see one of my best friends from college get married to one of the raddest dudes I know. It’s the first weekend in October and it’ll be nice to see many old college friends.

I’m really looking forward to this semester now. At first, I wasn’t but I think this weekend really refreshed me. It’s been several weeks since my friend passed on and I was really at a low point but now I’m back on my two feet, ready to take on the world!

Life's Lesson from Death

Today begins my new work schedule and it’s been a horrible day. I just learned that a friend of mine at work was taken off life support early this morning. The night before, he collapsed in the presence of his family and was rushed to the hospital. Less than a full month ago, my friend discovered he had an extremely rare form of cancer that had aggressively and swiftly metastasized throughout his body. Jason was someone who I’ve worked with for a year now and unlike many others, he wasn’t working with our kids for the money. He was doing it to make a difference in the lives of those we serve. We completely believed that we have the opportunity to help change the course of our patients’ behaviors so that they may live better and more fulfilling lives without being hindered by their diagnoses. The world is truly a lesser place in his absence. Sadly, traumatic and devastating events such as this are revealing in a truly remarkable way. They teach us that we have to be better and make a more concentrated effort to make a difference in the world. When we lose compassionate individuals, it is our responsibility to step up to the plate and make an even bigger difference than we already are. Last night at work was the worst night I’ve had in my entire year of employment at the hospital. I was ready to throw in the towel and even went as far as to compose my letter of resignation. I now clearly see that is not a possibility. I need to stick with it not only to support my staff and friends but because we need to send a clear message to our patients to continue the struggle, no matter what life throws at us. We can’t let horrible events bring us down.

As we stumble through life, it is important to realize that the reason we fall is to that we can learn to pick ourselves back up.

I'm on a Mountain, Don't You Ever Forget!

Finally…A day off from all the craziness that tends to engulf itself in my everyday routine! A certain patient returned from a short “vacation” to another facility and I realize that it’s not that I can’t work with this specific child; it’s that I don’t WANT to. This kid ranks the highest on my hit list. I’m talking about killing the kid; I’m talking about how many times he’s landed a definitive hit on me; whether by punching, kicking, or stabbing me. There’s only so much the body can take. The overall reaction by my staff was “Oh fuck, what else can I do with my life that will promote rather than discourage my safety and wellbeing.” I fully intend to use today as a day to reevaluate whether or not I’m going to stay at the hospital. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve been nearly flying solo with a group of shitty kids this past weekend.

With Colorado’s summer in full force (not counting the fact that we set a record low “high” at 48 degrees sometime last week) I’m really excited to take advantage of Colorado’s landscape. After a mandatory meeting at work (yes, it’s my day off) I’ll head to the Pikes Peak incline and ideally make it up before the weather gets stormy or the sun goes down. It’s a breezy 81 degrees and I’m stoked to soak up the sun. I’ll probably hit up the gym afterwards and then take a nap before friends come over for a movie night. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie Wanted, I recommend it. I’ve never been a firm believer in the idea that movies make people homicidal but this movie certainly gets the adrenaline pumping.

School starts next week and my only regret is not having more time for myself. I wish I could have visited friends across the country. Watching as friends in the Pacific Northwest post pictures from their escapades on the lakes or cabins and seeing them enjoy themselves at wineries sometimes causes me to miss the years I spent there. In the foreseeable future, I’ll get to reunite with my Colorado girls during my birthday and then zip line up to Fort Collins for Tour de Fat. God bless whoever came up with New Belgium (Fat Tire).

On a closing note, I can proudly boast that I was the owner of two dogs for a day. At the animal shelter, I fell in love with the cutest puppy I’ve seen in a while. They called him Duckey although I called him Murphy. I adopted him in an effort to prevent them from putting him to sleep. Sadly after 24 hours, I quickly realized that I was allergic to the little guy and had to return him. Thankfully, the staff was very warm and reassuring. They said that because he was adopted, it greatly extended the time before they would have to reconsider whether or not he would be put to sleep. They further explained that the weekend was their annual adopt-a-thon and people were lining up by the hundreds to adopt new animals. (There seriously was a line nearly around the building of people and their children waiting to take a new companion home.) It made parting with the pup just that much easier although I’ll admit I became very attached within the first 24 hours.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week!