Looking Back

Over the past three or four weeks, I’ve really been bogged down with the overwhelming sensation of immobility. I’ve realized that my drive and passion to help the kids I work with has slowly committed suicide and only been replaced with the monotonous repetition of a regular routine. At work, I run the same schedule day after day: room time, check-in, psych-ed, dinner, visitation, wrap up, and bed time. I’m tired of breaking up fights, being yelled at and cursed, and assaulted. I signed up to make a difference but lately, all I am is the campus enforcer. I earned stellar reviews on my annual performance review and learned I am extremely efficient at completing detailed clinical documentation and, I have “superior and dynamic leadership abilities,” which only means I’m more likely to get pulled to other units. The lovely CEO has capped the annual raise at 2%...which translates to a raise of 0.21 cents per hour or $1.68 more per shift. I’m glad to know that my efficiency and leadership is so highly valued.

I’ve been working so much and I feel like none of its paying off. I dropped this semester’s classes in a desperate attempt to earn enough to pay rent. I couldn’t handle working 50-60 hours a week AND succeed in Human Anatomy and Physiology. The sad part…I need A&P to get out of this crappy situation. I also want to get the hell out of the Springs. I realize I grew up here and I really value the experiences I had but it’s time to move to Denver. I’ve been looking for jobs and truly believe that Colorado Springs is incapable of providing young and eager individuals with the necessary upward mobility to succeed. The ONLY thing keeping me from spiraling into lunacy is the regular trips to Denver and the good times shared with my friends there. My three best friends in Colorado all live in Denver now which makes it easier for us to gather more frequently. Another very close friend just moved out from California and it’s been unbelievable seeing her here in Colorado. The other night, I actually “introduced” myself and asked if we could be real life friends. She laughed at me. There’s so many people I know, not to mention when I finally get my act together and get the pre-reqs finished, I’d like to go to CU-Denver. Denver is just a classier, younger and more exciting city than the Springs. I need that excitement and social structure RIGHT NOW!