Winter Frost on the Windows

You ever notice how listening to Frank Sinatra can just put you in a good mood?? I’m listening to Sinatra right now after a long day at work. I've been in down mood lately. I feel like I can't accomplish anything and its disheartening. The girl situation has been bothering me and I'm kinda getting stressed about going back to school and finding a second job. I’m on day 8 of my 12 straight day work schedule and I can’t wait for the weekend. The kids on the unit aren’t really taking advantage of their treatment and are really more shitheads than individuals I can get through to. They refuse to talk about their issues and are very defiant. I’ve noticed that it’s really a cycle. Some kids are inspirational and others are just in the hospital as a legal punishment for their behavior in their own lives. I guess it’s alright though. It doesn’t really require much emotional investment and really gives me the energy to focus on some of my own things I need to focus on.

The girl I was interested in at work and I have worked things out and we’ve decided to go the friend route. If life situations were different, maybe something would have happened but to be honest, I kissed the girl when alcohol was involved. There’s no way of telling whether it was the alcohol talking or whether the feelings are sound. I realize I got caught up in it more than I should have but I also realize I have a history of that. When I fall for a girl, I trip and stumble and act a fool until I get my bearings back. I dealt with it productively by power cleaning my room and bathroom and I feel much better. She’s actually going to help set me up with one of the new techs at work who is pretty cute. People at work are starting to read too much into things anyways and as we all know, people at work love to gossip. We really don’t want to be the subject of that nonsense so we’re cutting it off at the root.

On a downside, my dog which I love just as much as my Semester at Sea travels is really sick. She has countless mini tumors on her and her breathing and physical activity is suffering. The vet said it would cost 800 dollars to have the tumors removed but guaranteed that twice as many would reappear and that it would be much more uncomfortable for the dog once that happens. I cried last night when I tried imagining living without my dog, Aspen. She’s almost 12 years old and is the dog I really grew up with. My family got her when I was in middle school and she’s been the best companion I could ever ask for. When I would leave for school, she waited for me for about 2 weeks in front of my bedroom door and refused to do anything except eat and go outside to use the restroom. When I came home, she followed me everywhere and ignored the rest of my family. Now every time I come home from work, she wiggles her but and shakes her tail in excitement. She sleeps at the foot of my bed and likes it when I talk to her. She always tilts her head left and right when I ask her questions and actually scuffs at me when I say something stupid. So much character and such a good friend.

My plans for the rest of the week are to hopefully crack through the shell and reach at least one patient. I wanna know that my 12 day streak wasn’t spent in vain. Getting caught up on my TEFL would be nice as well but I know it’s gonna be a busy week. Finally, I want to get back into my music. I’ve been writing a song on the piano forever and I’d like to finish it sometime soon. I’m finding that not participating in music is really affecting me lately. Music was one of the most important parts of my college years and strangely, I just abandoned it when I started working. There’s no excuse for that. Hearing from friends would be nice too. I’ve kinda gone MIA and haven’t really spoken to anyone outside of work for the past month or so.