A Fire Ignited

I want more from this life. I’m not content with the status quo and the way things are. I feel like I’m falling back into stagnation and its killing me! I’m a 24 year old man who is living at home with the parents and working a job that I love but doesn’t really pay well enough for my situation to change. Colorado Springs is stifling and I don’t really know anyone around here. Most of my friends are up in Denver and Fort Collins which is all good and well but that means its far and few between when I actually see them. I need more excitement and accomplishment to fill my void.

I was talking on the phone with a friend the other night and we were talking about lighting the world ablaze with our gifts and talents and as I spoke to her, I realized how much I long to do something spectacular. It’s all about small steps and like building a fire, you’ve gotta start small. I get that. I really do! But how long before I can actually get my hands dirty and start doing? Taking the quote from John Lennon that was posted on my friend’s blog, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I feel like life is passing me by and I’m somehow missing it. Where’s the opportunity to be passionate? Where’s the opportunity to use my compassion creatively and constructively? It’s times like these when I question the change in myself spurred from that voyage of the world. If I hadn’t gone, would I be here questioning these things or would I be content with the regular routine?

I guess what I’m really questioning is whether or not I’ve been truly in touch with what I want or need. It kills me to admit this but I’m lonely. I don’t really have a social network here to help me when I’m feeling down or even when I need the social interaction of peers and people my own age. I went up to Denver yesterday to see an old high school friend and observed a budding new relationship developing and I could see from my friend that it was an invigorating and exciting experience. I want to meet new people and experience that for myself. At least in Washington, my friends were either in Spokane or Seattle. They weren’t spread all over. I feel like I’m closing up or that my personality is changing because I don’t have people to surround myself with.