Late Night Thoughts of Transformation

Wow! What an evening :-/ I've been thinking lately how discontent I've been lately with my current situation. I'm so caught up in the grind that I haven't had a chance to stop and see how bored and unfulfilled I really am. Everyday it's the same routine: wake up, get some studying done, gym, work at a job where I'm underpaid and under appreciated, gym, waste time, and bed. It's a really boring routine and it's really not that exciting. I had a wonderful phone conversation with someone I really respect and connect with and we came to the same conclusion that we're having a quarter-life crisis. Somewhere we went wrong and because of our incessant dedication to our "careers" we've somehow missed out. I've got so many friends who are making huge life decisions like getting married, buying houses, and having kids. What have I go to show for? I've got a BA in Psychology and a job that isn't inspiring.

When I first began working at Cedar Springs, I thought I could find the smallest chance of helping someone. I wanted to be a positive influence in the lives of my kids. Now, rarely a day goes by where I'm not physically restraining a little punk who wants to engage in a pointless power-struggle. Sure, most of the kids come from environments that do not foster their growth and development. In fact, I blame many of the parents for the learned behaviors of their children. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not really getting through to them. I'm a glorified babysitter. That's not really something I'm proud of. I feel like the hospital is draining the positive energy out of me. I need to escape and find something more meaningful. I see that change in myself that I so desperately want to see in the world fading away. It's time to find a different avenue of creativity and enlightenment.

I'm seriously considering setting sail and going overseas to Teach English as a Foreign Language. Why not? I'm certified and I have plenty of friends who could help me draw up lesson plans. Overseas, I could easily find work teaching, while maintaining my pursuit of a graduate degree. I'm currently reading this book by Chuck Thompson, called Smile When You're Lying-Confessions of a Rogue Travel Writer. The more I read, the more I want to be somewhere exotic. I want to be one of the people, other people write about. I want to be so well versed in foreign travel that it's more familiar to me than the grind. I've got so many friends who graduated from Gonzaga who appear to be doing well. They've got great jobs with competitive benefits and they seem to be doing it right, whatever IT is.

It's time to take a stand. With the New Year approaching quickly, I want to formulate a different approach. The "American" way of doing things doesn't seem to be working out for me. I'm gonna try and figure out how to take my destiny in my own hands and re-become that change I want to see in the world. If I continue in my current situation, the remaining optimism in me will continue to fade. Pessimism and distaste will permeate into my soul and I'll live a life wishing I had done more.

Merry Christmas!

I feel like I just wrote my Christmas newsletter for last year and I can’t believe how quickly this year passed by! Like last year, I joined my friends on the annual Semester at Sea Reunion cruise. We went to the Turks and Caicos Islands. Before I left though, I had the unfortunate experience of being severely assaulted by one of my patients. I won’t get into details but I ended up in the hospital and my patient was taken into police custody. The hospital suggested I take time off but I refused, knowing I was going on vacation in a few days. I couldn’t let my little ones think I was really hurt, so I returned the next day with a slightly swollen eye. Only two more days of work then off to the Caribbean! One of my best friends – Raine and I got to Miami where the ship was docked and waited for others to arrive.

Needless to say, the night turned into the late morning and it was fabulous reconnecting with people I had not seen in a few years. Once on the ship, we made our way to the cabins to drop off our belongings. My sister, Renee came along this year as a guest and really ended up enjoying herself. Unfortunately, I haven’t convinced her to take the plunge and commit one semester of her college career towards living in the world. Maybe some of you who know her will have to help convince her! Being back on the ship was amazing and Turks and Caicos was fun too. Unfortunately due to the recent hurricane, much of the island was severely damaged. The experience was pretty much a beach party with many of my favorites. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t any culture shock or anything too exciting like last year’s excursion to the Mayan Ruins. Below is a picture of Team DJ…you know who you are :-)

Back to reality, I continued to work at Cedar Springs Hospital full time. During the summer semester, I took two courses at Pikes Peak Community College: Biology and a hip-hop dance course. I really enjoyed both classes. The biology course was one of the prerequisites for a nursing program and the dance class was for my own entertainment. I did well in my science class and even better in Hip-Hop. In fact, I performed so well, that my dance instructor asked me to perform with his crew at various venues in Colorado Springs. My participation didn’t last long as my time commitment to work increased. There were a few weeks when I was working over 60 hours at the hospital. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took some much needed time off to head up north for Tour de Fat, hosted by New Belgium Brewery.

Tour de Fat was a blast and I celebrated my birthday soon afterwards. My girls came down to the Springs to help me celebrate and it was night to ...I guess not remember as I can't really remember much of what happened that night! Regardless, I'm so glad to have friends that will make the drive to spend time with me. By this point in the year, I had moved out of the parent's house and into my own apartment. My parents moved to San Antonio, TX for a new job and they seem really happy there. My sister moved back to Fort Collins and will finish this school year out before she decides to move to the Springs or to Texas so my parents can help her with her soon-to-be-born baby. It was my intentions to continue taking prerequisite courses for Nursing School this fall but I dropped the classes due to the stress and time commitment. Instead, I'm currently pursuing my MBA in Healthcare Administration and I'm really enjoying it!

Right now, my parents and sister are staying with me for the holiday season. They'll both be leaving tomorrow and I'll have my apartment back to myself. It was nice having them but I'm getting ready to get back into my regular routine. My apartment is a little too cramped for 4 people! I'll miss them all but I know we'll keep in touch :-) Stay tuned for a New Year's post!