With my life seemingly in a stagnant state, I wanted to do something to reinvigorate myself and make life a little more goal oriented. I had the pleasure of driving my friend Trish to Fort Collins yesterday and one of the topics of conversation touched upon what I want to do. I slightest inkling and had to truthfully reply, I don’t know anymore. She replied by saying SAS ruined us for life. Later on that night when I got back home I started thinking about that conversation. Is it true? Do I really not know what I want to do anymore? If that’s the case, why? Have I been turned down from so many jobs that I’ve given up? Have I slipped back into the American Reality? These are all frightening questions! So in response, I took some time today to reinvent myself. I actually started earning my Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TELF) Certificate and should be finished by the end of September. I also made a list of personal goals that I’d like to align with:

1. Running – I guess I should clarify this one… Back when I lived in Spokane, WA a friend that I’ll call Cortimus Maximus for comic’s sake challenged me in the upcoming race in May 2009. The race is called Bloomsday and it’s a 12k road race. For those of you who know me well, you know that I’ve completed a timed half marathon and just recently completed the Pikes Peak Descent route un-timed. My competitive debut will happen on CSU’s homecoming 5k race and I’ll be building up from there. I’m also occasionally volunteer assistant coaching my old cross country team from high school.

2. Language – I want to be intermediate in Spanish by the end of December. I’ve got a program called Rosetta Stone and a few friends who are fluent who promised to help.

3. Photography – I think I’m going to focus on Black and White photography. I really admire how the reduction of color instantly emphasizes emption.

4. Physical Activity – I’ve spent some time this afternoon researching clubs and organizations that I can get involved with to get me moving. Tomorrow I’m gonna try a series of Yoga classes. I also found the National Strength and Conditioning Association as well as a number of swing and hip hop classes.

Without being attached to a class schedule, I figure it’s about time for me to engage in some of the activities that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. We’ll see how it goes!

I apologize to my avid readers for taking so long to post. It’s been a rollercoaster lately. First thing…Nothing new with the job searches. I’m getting sick of reformatting resumes and cover letters, although I’m getting pretty quick at it. I’ve currently got 9 applications out and I’m waiting to hear back from 9 of them. They’re all in Colorado, Denver primarily but I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t be so picky in where I want a job. Maybe that’s my biggest problem! To be perfectly honest, I don’t want to head out to the East coast. It’s just not for me. I wanna work to live and not live to work. Please don’t take offence if you’re from there, I’m just West coast at heart. And I realize that even though I claim to be West coast, being from Colorado makes it a little difficult to up and move to California. Even though there may be some pretty rad people there, I’m not so sure I can sell out and become a Californian. So the search will continue… If any of you have any leads, PLEASE pass them along. I like to think that we’re all in this together and that we’ll look out for each other, even if it is just a job.

With that out of the way, I wanna recommend a book I recently finished reading, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s an amazing book and it was recommended by Trish. It talks about following your Personal Legend and connecting with the Soul of the World. In fact it was the perfect book for me because I found myself starting to doubt my drive to make a difference in the world. It brought up some amazingly inspiring points. Take my desire to change the world for example, “When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.” That’s really motivating considering sometimes I feel like I’m at odds with the economy and the fact that I really don’t seem to have much job experience. I guess its easier knowing, “The closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend, the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for being.” It has definitely been uplifting and it seemed to be a book I picked up at the perfect time.

Speaking of perfect time, I recently reconnected with some invaluable friends this last weekend. Laura and Eddie flew in for the weekend and I went up to Denver to see them. I also got to see Dave and Perry which was an added bonus! It got me reminiscent of the good times when we weren’t worried about finding jobs. Instead, we were enjoying life. I see life as the moment we’re living right now, and at that moment, we were sailing around the world on a ship. We were thrust into the world and returned seasoned citizens of the world. I also realized something…it’s one thing to remain friends among such great distances but it’s another to physically see them and bask in their presence. There’s nothing like a hug and a smile to remind you just how much you really miss that person. I can’t wait for January when I get to see my favorites again!

Turks and Caicos Islands baby!!

What a Downer...

Well I found out that I didn't get the position at Regis... I don't know how anyone expectes this generation to contribute to society if we're never given the chance. It's always the same story, you don't have enough education or you don't have enough work experience. How the fuck are we supposed to get more education if colleges are looking for life experience? How the fuck are we supposed to get jobs if we don't have the initial work experience in the first place? We're basically set up for failure. I can't even count how many of my friends with college degrees are balancing a number of hourly paid jobs. They're working themselves to death without getting anything out of it. Working nearly two full time jobs just to pay off our student loans and other bills we've accumulated along the way.

I'm just fed up with it! Something's gotta change...

As of Friday evening, I was expecting to rejoice in a new career at Regis University. Unfortunately, when the Dean called, I didn’t get the news I was hoping for. There were no congratulations, or job offers. In fact, there wasn’t even an apologetic “nice try, but we filled the position with someone more qualified.” No, it was an alternative between the best and worst possible answer. “You’re one of the top three candidates applying for the position and we’ll be making a final decision over the weekend.” I’m supposed to hear back whether I got the position or not on Monday. That leaves the ENTIRE WEEKEND for me to stress about why or why not I’ll get the offer. Am I too young? Will I have enough work experience? Are they worried that I won’t commit for too long? Do they really think I’m cut out for this type of work? Will I work well with the staff? Will parents see me as a credible representation of the university? These are all concerns running through my head.

I’ve done as much as I could to keep my mind distracted this weekend. I went up to Denver to see a visiting friend from Massachusetts who happened to be in town for her uncle’s wedding. I also reconnected with a fellow F’06er whom I did not know lived in Denver. In fact, we’re going to have lunch tomorrow afternoon. Tonight, I went to the Springs to hang out with an old friend from high school. I also hiked the initial Incline of Pikes Peak and completed the entire incline and switchback down in 1:04. The funny part…it took me 44 minutes to make it to the top of a 2.5 mile straight vertical while only 20 minutes to make it down 3.5 miles worth of switchbacks. Even though all of this helped ease the tension, as I sit here now contemplating on the reason for my distractions, I still realize that tomorrow determines whether or not I’m going to continue feeling like a failure without a job or a place of my own. I guess I’m equating employment as a means of achievement. It’s not just a paycheck but a means of direction. With steady employment, I’ll be able to move into my own place, pay my bills and start saving for the future. I’ll be able to continue living the dream by traveling periodically and seeing those people I traveled the world with. I’ll be able to go back to the city I’m actually still not missing and see all of the people I left behind in Spokane.

I guess it all comes down to this…please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers so I may start the week and month on a high note.

Namasté

Companionship on a Lifelong Journey

Have you ever stopped to wonder whether you’re connected on a higher level with someone meaningful in your life? I’m not talking about close friendships but rather a connection on an entirely deeper and more spiritual level. I think we are. I see those individuals as companions traveling with us through this life’s journey. They are our SOUL MATES. They are the people connected to our life’s energy. Whenever your heart cries out in pain or despair, they respond with comfort and love. Their timing couldn’t be more perfect! They are the balance in your universe and the foundation which you build upon. The reason I bring this up is because of someone I consider a soul mate. We’ve been companions for a while. And even though our pathways separated at one point, they’ve reunited.

As many of you probably don’t know, I recently quit my job as Assistant Director for Environment Colorado. My talents and gifts were being wasted on efforts that weren’t bringing light into the world. Frustration, anger, annoyance, impatience, discontent and uselessness were all feelings that manifest themselves. After reevaluating my situation and battling the beginning signs of hopelessness, I decided to apply to be an Admissions Counselor for Regis University. It seems like it could be a good fit for me and I feel like it will help point me in the right direction. I had my interview this morning and it seemed to go well until the very end where the Dean was wrapping everything up. He brought up a point in response to an answer to a question he posed to me earlier in the day. He lingered on that point for some time which left me feeling uneasy and unsure. On the drive home, I couldn’t help but feel like I blew it. The rest of the day felt emotionless and stale.

It wasn’t until the evening when my person called and reassured me that things are going work out. She said we’re different because we have the energy and potential to do something great in order to change the world. It just takes patience and time. This is really what I needed to hear. She sensed the chaos in my life and restored balance. Little did she know that I was planning on calling her later because I needed to connect. One of the greatest parts of life is the people we meet and the way they complement who we are. I’m grateful for the significant friends who take the time to add meaning and insight into this journey.

To my soul mates, thanks for the comfort and love.