PLAYTIME

I can’t even believe how quickly this week is passing by. It seems like life is on the fast track to nowhere and strangely, I’m holding on. On Tuesday, I reconnected with a long lost close friend. We went to church together in high school and then both attend college in Spokane, WA. She graduated a year ahead of me and headed to the east coast for some volunteer work and ended up staying there. She seems very content and I’m happy for her. It’s been quite some time since we caught up and it was a delightful interruption from the monotony of my current situation.

Yesterday, I only work a half day before heading home to relax. I spent some time trying to reorganize my life…or at least the room I’m living in. It was nice doing something for me. I’ve been so swamped with work and the long hours that I haven’t really had any me time lately. I also go on the web and did some research for both grad school and potential other employment opportunities. I got really excited when I found information on Regis University. It’s about one third the size of Gonzaga in regards to undergraduate students and its Mission is very focused on service towards the immediate community. I really like that! I feel like I’ll be much happier ‘there’ rather than ‘here.’ Only two more days this week and I’m free!

I’m heading back up to Fort Collins this weekend and I’m pretty stoked about it! I’m picking up Jenna on the way and we’ll stay until Saturday afternoon. It’ll probably be a night in Old Town followed by a late morning/early afternoon of wine and homemade sushi!! Hooray Sushi Saturday…(Obviously not a substitute for my fellow Sushi partners in crime back in Spokane). After I drop Jenna back off in Denver, I’m shootin over towards Boulder for the night to see an old friend from high school. Not only did we both graduate from Lewis-Palmer High School, we also worked together as lifeguards and swim instructors. It’s gonna be a GREAT WEEKEND!!!

Just on a random side note…I’m planning on boycotting the Olympics for certain political reasons and I was wondering if any of you were planning on doing the same. Are you hosting alternative events addressing the injustices of the Chinese influence not only in China but Tibet and Burma? If you are, leave a comment with your plans!

Welcome to Colorado

Feeling like DEATH the past 16 hours, there’s been nothing but throbbing and pounding inside my head. Unmanageable pain and discomfort tore through my dreams and continually disrupted my sleep. Waking several times throughout the night disoriented, my body screamed to purge the illness that plagued me. Unfortunately, in a universe that requires absolute balance, everything great comes with a cost.

As I settle into this new place with new goals I find myself tackling a little bit too much a little too quickly. Living a healthier lifestyle, reading more, learning a new language, reconnecting with old friends, finding lasting value in new friends, defining who I am, reestablishing my running, hiking more mountains, and assessing my spirituality are accomplishments I’m striving to see into fruition. Unfortunately, I’m bound by conditions that prevent me from doing everything at once. Change demands time and patience. My time here has been short and my patience is about as effective as the attention span of a new puppy.

Yesterday I spent approximately 8 hours with two of my best friends trying to climb Pikes Peak. Within our 8-hour hike, we experienced a 4,065 ft. elevation chnge in less than 16 miles. Needless to say, I became affected by a moderately severe case of altitude sickness. Being in Colorado for less than 2 weeks, I should have known better than to try to tackle a mountain without giving myself at least another week to acclimatize to the high elevations. Illness aside, I learned that I could turn back without feeling like a failure. I also learned that people out in the world have the ability to motivate better than anything else I’ve ever seen. I can’t even recall how many people I saw training for the Pikes Peak Descent Race. I saw incredible athletes who weren’t wasting their time in the gym but rather enjoying the outdoors while make monumental progress towards their OWN personal goals! I-N-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N!!! I saw something in Americans that I haven’t taken notice of in quite some time, that is the approachability and friendliness that I witnessed in other countries. It was nice making a friendly greeting and having the same gesture returned.

It's nice being back in Colorado!

Still Searching for Direction

So I’ve moved out to Colorado Springs for a job that I’m finding isn’t really what I was expecting. I’m involved in environmental advocacy which is a GREAT thing to be involved with, however it’s difficult canvassing and putting in nearly 80 hours of work each week. I’ve only been here for about a week and I’m already feeling bogged down and worn out. Moving back to the Springs, I feel like I’m in a completely different place. I’ve transformed into a different person and this place hasn’t. I’m more progressive and liberal than the city. The truth is, I haven’t really interacted with the Springs since high school. Obviously, I’ve returned periodically for breaks during school but I was never really actively engaged in the politics or the overall feel of the city. I feel frustrated! I feel as though I’ve come to another pathway that isn’t necessarily the one I should be following. I want to move to move to Denver or Fort Collins. Denver primarily because it’s a bustling city and it’s the primary access point to hiking, camping, skiing, and it’s close to my friends in Fort Collins. On the other hand, Fort Collins is a town that fits my personality. It’s laid back and chill. It’s environmentally conscious and outdoor oriented. The younger mentality of the college town just screams innovation and creativity. I definitely need innovation and creativity in my life. I wanna do something that matters.

On a side note, I spent the weekend up in Fort Collins with Raine, Carina, and Megan and had a blast! I always love reconnecting with Raine and I feel as though I’m becoming closer to Carina and Megan. As Raine said, we can be “real” friends now. It’s nice to look forward to something constant. A dear friend of mine once said that as voids open up, the universe longs to fill to it. My void was the absence of my friends back in Spokane. Most especially my cherished friend Amy. Amy was my person the last 6 months or so. She made leaving Spokane so difficult by making my final days so meaningful.

Overwhelmed

I’m so utterly worn and weathered from my parents and their incessant need to direct my life. It’s my Fucking life! If it’s not which college to go to, it’s whether or not I should go on a semester abroad. If it’s not what job I’m doing, it’s whether or not I make enough money. Why the service field or nonprofit route? There’s no money there. I’m not living their lives. I understand that their experiences direct their values but the same applies to me. I value making a difference in the world and if that requires living a life in mediocrity than I gladly accept. Money and materialism are not what rule MY LIFE. My experiences and the life I live tell my story. I live in a different generation and I wish they would get that.

I wanna be the change I wish to see in the world. I wanna live the dream. I want to count. I want to mean something and I want every bit of my inner being to make a difference. There is a void in my life that I’m longing to fill and the universe is trying to help me fill that dark hole. I need to break free and let the course of my life take shape on its own.

A New Beginning

As one door closes, another one always opens. I haven’t really had time to reflect on this but I think it’s a lesson I should reevaluate. Things have been so intense since the passing away of my grandmother. I remember coming back from Chicago and not really knowing how to resume the transition I’ve been caught up in since graduation. My AmeriCorps year was coming to a close and I still didn’t have a job lined up. I also had to prepare to move from the Desmet house and try to deal with the grief. Sensing my frustration, my grandmother passed along her grace to help me find my peace. In a dream, she appeared and told me that everything would work out and that I should trust that the fruits of my labor would be rewarded. I woke with a strange calmness that I haven’t felt for awhile. I was offered a position with Progressive Future a few days later. I accepted and felt such a sensation of clarity. It’s like the struggle to find direction finally came to fruition and I was freed to focus on other unresolved pursuits.

With income and the ability to financially support myself, I’m now able to focus on the other voids that haunt me. Spirituality, creativity, health and fitness, and the defining of the man I’m destined to become. There’s so much out there…