Jeremy’s Birthday Bash

Just wanted to leave a quick note on the epic journey of my birthday weekend… Last Friday marked my quarter of a century celebration and I must admit, it was by far the best birthday I’ve had thus far. My best friends from Colorado came down to the Springs and we started the party off right. Shots of Tequila baby! Actually, we kicked off the celebration at Red Robin. Eric and Kate from work came out for dinner joined by Brittney, Jenna, Annie, Raine, and my sister. It was so much fun seeing my best friends in Colorado finally get to meet some of the amazing people I work with on a regular basis. Eric, Kate, and Brittney weren’t able to come out that night but the rest of us certainly had a grand time. Back to my place for drinks and cake and then off to the bars. We hit up Blondie’s and the Thirsty Parrot. Tanja, from work joined us and was kind enough to drive us all home. The next day we hauled ass up to Fort Collins for Tour de Fat where we met up with my friend Nate from work. Sadly, we missed the bike parade but still had a blast. Nasty quantities of PBR were consumed and several games of beer pong were played. My sister had a BBQ at her new house and of course, we tore up the city at night. Lucky Joe’s was the place to be where we enjoyed live music and watched MelAnie (aka Annie) get made fun of by the performer. “You should call her Melanie as in Melatonin” Next it was the Vault and then a quick trip to Steakout where the bouncer who is and always will be a DB. TNBS upheld the tradition of Thursday night bomb shots although it was no longer Thursday. We ended the evening back at Raine’s brother’s house and all passed out. Unfortunately, I had to be at work by 11 the next day, so needless to say…I didn’t get much sleep. I had a wonderful time and am so thankful for the friends who where able to celebrate with me.

On a different note, I’m back to classes this week and I think I’m over my pity party. Last week, I was seriously questioning my abilities and wondered if PA school was the right thing for me. After several whiney conversations with my parents and a few motivational speeches from my friends, I’m re-dedicated to pushing on and making the sacrifice to get through all of these science classes to accomplish my goal. One of my very close friends, Jenn is moving out here and I think her presence will help keep me on track, as she is also going along a similar road to become a nurse. She’s moving out here within the week and I’m so extremely excited to have her so close so we can be real life friends. I met her through Semester at Sea and it’s only one more reason that studying abroad was one of the best decisions of my life. In October, I’ll hopefully be heading to a wedding to see one of my best friends from college get married to one of the raddest dudes I know. It’s the first weekend in October and it’ll be nice to see many old college friends.

I’m really looking forward to this semester now. At first, I wasn’t but I think this weekend really refreshed me. It’s been several weeks since my friend passed on and I was really at a low point but now I’m back on my two feet, ready to take on the world!

Life's Lesson from Death

Today begins my new work schedule and it’s been a horrible day. I just learned that a friend of mine at work was taken off life support early this morning. The night before, he collapsed in the presence of his family and was rushed to the hospital. Less than a full month ago, my friend discovered he had an extremely rare form of cancer that had aggressively and swiftly metastasized throughout his body. Jason was someone who I’ve worked with for a year now and unlike many others, he wasn’t working with our kids for the money. He was doing it to make a difference in the lives of those we serve. We completely believed that we have the opportunity to help change the course of our patients’ behaviors so that they may live better and more fulfilling lives without being hindered by their diagnoses. The world is truly a lesser place in his absence. Sadly, traumatic and devastating events such as this are revealing in a truly remarkable way. They teach us that we have to be better and make a more concentrated effort to make a difference in the world. When we lose compassionate individuals, it is our responsibility to step up to the plate and make an even bigger difference than we already are. Last night at work was the worst night I’ve had in my entire year of employment at the hospital. I was ready to throw in the towel and even went as far as to compose my letter of resignation. I now clearly see that is not a possibility. I need to stick with it not only to support my staff and friends but because we need to send a clear message to our patients to continue the struggle, no matter what life throws at us. We can’t let horrible events bring us down.

As we stumble through life, it is important to realize that the reason we fall is to that we can learn to pick ourselves back up.

I'm on a Mountain, Don't You Ever Forget!

Finally…A day off from all the craziness that tends to engulf itself in my everyday routine! A certain patient returned from a short “vacation” to another facility and I realize that it’s not that I can’t work with this specific child; it’s that I don’t WANT to. This kid ranks the highest on my hit list. I’m talking about killing the kid; I’m talking about how many times he’s landed a definitive hit on me; whether by punching, kicking, or stabbing me. There’s only so much the body can take. The overall reaction by my staff was “Oh fuck, what else can I do with my life that will promote rather than discourage my safety and wellbeing.” I fully intend to use today as a day to reevaluate whether or not I’m going to stay at the hospital. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve been nearly flying solo with a group of shitty kids this past weekend.

With Colorado’s summer in full force (not counting the fact that we set a record low “high” at 48 degrees sometime last week) I’m really excited to take advantage of Colorado’s landscape. After a mandatory meeting at work (yes, it’s my day off) I’ll head to the Pikes Peak incline and ideally make it up before the weather gets stormy or the sun goes down. It’s a breezy 81 degrees and I’m stoked to soak up the sun. I’ll probably hit up the gym afterwards and then take a nap before friends come over for a movie night. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie Wanted, I recommend it. I’ve never been a firm believer in the idea that movies make people homicidal but this movie certainly gets the adrenaline pumping.

School starts next week and my only regret is not having more time for myself. I wish I could have visited friends across the country. Watching as friends in the Pacific Northwest post pictures from their escapades on the lakes or cabins and seeing them enjoy themselves at wineries sometimes causes me to miss the years I spent there. In the foreseeable future, I’ll get to reunite with my Colorado girls during my birthday and then zip line up to Fort Collins for Tour de Fat. God bless whoever came up with New Belgium (Fat Tire).

On a closing note, I can proudly boast that I was the owner of two dogs for a day. At the animal shelter, I fell in love with the cutest puppy I’ve seen in a while. They called him Duckey although I called him Murphy. I adopted him in an effort to prevent them from putting him to sleep. Sadly after 24 hours, I quickly realized that I was allergic to the little guy and had to return him. Thankfully, the staff was very warm and reassuring. They said that because he was adopted, it greatly extended the time before they would have to reconsider whether or not he would be put to sleep. They further explained that the weekend was their annual adopt-a-thon and people were lining up by the hundreds to adopt new animals. (There seriously was a line nearly around the building of people and their children waiting to take a new companion home.) It made parting with the pup just that much easier although I’ll admit I became very attached within the first 24 hours.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week!

LOVE My Weekend

What a weekend! Whew…Now that I feel like I have a moment to breathe. This weekend has really flown by. I got my paper and presentation done and I’m going into this final week of school with great anticipation. I can’t wait to finish classes and have nothing left but a few weeks of down time before the start of another grueling semester. After this week, I’ll be one semester closer to accomplishing my career objectives. It’s about 40 minutes before my first class of the week and I wanted to take some time to refocus.

Last night was pretty intense. I had a blow out with a friend from work and after an entire shift and several conversations, we finally worked things out. The biggest problem was the miscommunication and misperception from our respective viewpoints. I overreacted about my friend running her mouth and she didn’t really understand that some of the things she was saying in front of others were things I really didn’t want shared with our other friends. We hashed it out and I think things will be fine now. I also found contraband on my unit and it really frustrated me because things aren’t supposed to happen on my watch. While performing room safety checks, I found things that the kids were definitely NOT supposed to have. Needless to say, I tore the room apart and confiscated everything they should not have had. I passed on the information to the next following shifts and we’ll be cracking down so tight, I doubt this group of kids will try anything else while they’re on the unit. I don’t think they understand how vital their safety is to the staff.

This weekend was a great time to catch up with friends I haven’t spoken to in a while. I called Steph and we talked about whether or not we’re going on the January cruise. I’m still not completely sure I’ll be going this year. I still have a bitter taste from the fiasco in Breckenridge and I’m not really drawn to the drama that I’m sure will ensue. Christine and I spoke about school and whether or not we’ll be able to see each other this fall. We also talked about the plethora of engagements and weddings that suddenly just happened! Maybe there’s something in the air but I don’t even plan to think about anything like that until I’ve finished my grad program. I’ve heard too many horror stories to put a significant other or a family through in regards to working full time and going to school. I also got to see Raine who was abroad in Europe for what seems like an eternity. She was in the Springs and it was really good to see her.

This week, I’ll clamp down and focus solely on school then get back to the gym and start accomplishing some of the goals set forth in my last post. I wish I’d be able to get away and visit the parents who have moved to San Antonio, Texas but work won’t let me take some time. It’s probably for the best. I need to work on paying OFF bills rather than create new ones. Another goal I have for the end of this year is to completely pay off my credit card bills and start saving for grad school. Ideally, the Navy will pay for my grad degree but it’s always nice to have a backup plan. I hope everyone reading this has a fabulous week and I plan to post at least twice or three times a week from now on.

I got my swim trunks and my flippy floppies...

Can you believe the end of July is already upon us? This year has flown by and it seems like it’s breezing by at a thousand miles per hour. Looking back at my accomplishments, experiences and the memories I’ve made, I can’t help but wonder what’s going on. Next month will mark the end of my first year of employment at the hospital working with my kids. Even after a full year of service, it feels like I’ve just started. Kids come and go and sometimes even return three or four times. Maybe it’s my nature to wander but I’m ready for something new. I want more from life and I don’t feel like I’ve found that creative avenue to share my gifts and talents with the world. The feeling of failure looms in the air when I see my kiddos return even more fucked up than the last time I saw them. I guess I can’t save all of them. My line of work just doesn’t seem that meaningful and significant anymore and it’s too bad I can’t keep this notion at bay anymore.

My summer session ends next week and I’m proud to announce that I’m on track to finish my biology course with a mid to high B. Next semester it’s Human Anatomy and Physiology I and Chemistry I. The more I contemplate my future, the more impatient I become. I want to get into the gist of it all and begin my graduate program. I want to begin my career and I WANT TO HELP OTHERS! For those of you I haven’t already spoken to, I’m going to finish my prerequisites, get into a PA program, and join the Navy serving for a minimum of three years on one of the Navy’s floating hospitals. Serving on the USNS Comfort or USNS Mercy, I’ll be providing care for US combat forces deployed in oversees operations while providing medical services to support disaster relief and humanitarian operations worldwide. I don’t think anything could be more perfect; sailing around the world serving others.

A quick update on my dancing, I had the performance I mentioned in my last post. It wasn’t really what I was expecting but I learned everything in life takes flexibility. The performance was for the Pikes Peak Library District and ended up being more of a workshop than an actual performance. I intend to continue taking dance because it’s such a fun and effortless way to stay active. I doubt I’ll continue trying to book performances. My choreographer keeps pushing me to get serious and try and pursue dancing as a career but I really don’t find the life of a dancer/performer all that appealing. It just seems too fickle and fake for me. I’m not the one to easily or readily conform to the wishes and expectations of others, especially when it’s something that’s not authentic to who I am.

In danger of falling back into stagnation, it’s time I reevaluate my goals and maybe renew some of the commitments I’ve made but failed to live up to. It’s time to get back into an active routine. That means hitting the gym more often and taking advantage of the beautiful state I live in. I’d like to hike at least 5 14ers by the end of this season. With one of my best friends back from Europe, we’re gonna definitely hit up Pikes Peak again. I need to stop sleeping so much and start being more productive and efficient at managing my time. I want to be more spontaneous and do things I really enjoy doing. This Thursday, I skipped my first class of the summer and went to Six Flags with a friend. It was absolutely amazing! We got drunk and rode rollercoasters. We passed out at the water park and I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun being ridiculous. I need to back at being so good at keeping in touch with people. One of the things I heard on a regular basis when I was in Washington was that I’m so good at making time for my friends. It’s time I start living up to that.

Shadowed on a Cloudy Day

Enjoying one of few days off, I’m struggling to find the energy to be productive. Colorado is having a strange spell of unusually cloudy weather and I’m longing for some sunshine and brightness. My list of things to accomplish grows each day and I’m finding that it’s harder and harder to stay motivated. I had my first Biology exam yesterday and I’m certain I missed 5 questions which brings me down to at least a 90%. The real reason is I slacked off and didn’t finish reading the last chapter necessary for the exam. On the brighter side of things, I’ve been asked to be a guest performer by a very experienced choreographer for a dance performance. One night after class, my instructor asked if I’d be interested in a being a guest performer for one of his productions. Asked how much experience I’d had in dance, I replied that I had never been formally trained, I just love to dance. He told me I had the potential to be REALLY GOOD and I agreed to participate. Last night I had rehearsal and let me tell you…it kicked my ass. The moves and instruction are on a completely different level. Nothing but a healthy challenge to shake things up a bit!

This weekend I’m taking some time off of work to spend time with a friend who’s flying in from Pittsburg. I’ll have class tomorrow and then pick her up at the airport in Denver. It should be loads of fun and I’m just happy to keep my social realm intact. We’re gonna head up to Fort Collins so I can reunite with Team DJ and then probably hit up Six Flags on the way back down to the Springs. I find myself getting so wrapped up and consumed by the daily grind that I sometimes forget to take time for me and enjoy the experiences and friendships life has to offer. I’m really hoping that I’ll be renewed and re-inspired to get back on track and continue to follow my goals and aspirations.

Down on a Rainy Day

So I’m having one of my moods. Classes are going well and I’m more than settled into my new apartment. I should be content with the cards life dealt me for the moment but strangely I’m not. I feel down and I really don’t know why. Normally, I have a clear understanding and insight into my feelings and emotions but reason has managed to escape me. Quick update on my personal status…I’m sick and I think I got something from the kids at work. I went to the doctor today and was prescribed antibiotics. I was pretty upset Monday evening because my stupid supervisor decided to move me off my unit and place me on the residential unit. It’s not necessarily being moved that upset me, it’s the fact that I was moved even though I am the most senior staff on my unit. The alternate Charge RN obviously can’t be moved but the two techs on my unit haven’t been around as long as I have. It’s MY FUCKING UNIT!!! Well, now that I’ve got that off my chest I feel a little better.

As I mentioned, classes are going well. My BIO course is really interesting although it feels like forever since I took chemistry. There are many concepts that require prior knowledge of chemistry although chem wasn’t a pre-req. Although I’m only taking BIO and my Hip Hop class, I feel overwhelmed. I have classes Monday through Friday and work the rest of the day. In fact, the only days off are Tuesday and Thursday for class. I don’t have weekends off and I don’t have a single day to myself. Perhaps that’s why I’m in a mood. The more committed I become to going to PA School; the more anxious I am for it to happen. I’m several semesters away from completing my pre-reqs which means I’ll be 25 or 26 years old before I apply and get in. That translates to me being 30 by the time I get my MS. I just want to start and get the ball rolling RIGHT NOW and this patience concept is bullshit.

I purposefully didn’t post on my SAS CO reunion experience for several days because I was still trying to decipher what I thought about it. It wasn’t bad…but it wasn’t great either. I had the chance to see some people I hadn’t seen since the ship and it was reconnecting with them. I also got to spend some time relating with Raine and talking about this whole “maturity” thing is playing out for the both of us. I LOVED Thursday night in Denver with Jenna, Annie, and Jennifer despite the minor dispute. It was nice seeing JC and spending a little time talking with Julia Byers. I also got to spend some quality time with Ashley Snyder and I really wish I would have hung out with her more on the ship. The downside was the drama. I lost respect for some several individuals and found out that several people were upset with me for inviting people to join in on the fun. Apparently the reunion was supposed to be for only those on the reunion voyage this January. I guess I didn’t get that memo. I got things worked out with those people who were upset but overall, I’d have to describe the weekend in Breck as a frat boy party: sex, drugs and booze. I don’t think I’ve ever been around as much sex as I was at the house. People smoked marijuana and tried pressuring me into it. I said I work at a hospital and I can’t. I’m also pretty serious about this medical route and don’t think it would be beneficial for me to partake in drugs. Not to mention, I would be a hypocrite if I constantly tell my kids not to do it, take a weekend off from them and then get stoned. Finally, I’m beyond the point of marathon drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I got pretty wasted but I focused on a sensible limit to where I wasn’t constantly inebriated. I guess it just comes with getting older and having responsible goals for me. I’m growing up and it’s not my thing anymore. Would things have been different if I were having a good time…? That’s hard to tell. I guess I’ll never know. To wrap this story up, I left early. I had to get away from it all and I’m glad I did. I think I’ll stick to my personal visits to see friends. They’re much more meaningful and less irresponsible.